I can’t believe it’s been nearly 2 months since I last wrote and do you know what I’ve been doing that whole time? Absolutely nothing, well I say nothing, I was looking after my girls and enjoying the summer but I did nothing in terms of work and pursuing my dream. Whilst it was lovely to be able to take 7 weeks off work and just enjoy the summer, it was also frustrating. Frustrating because I want to write and create, I want to do so many things but with my eldest off school it just wasn’t possible. I spent the first 2 weeks trying to work, getting nothing done and feeling frustrated so I decided to take the time off and really enjoy it with my daughter. It took another couple of weeks of feeling frustrated and guilty for ‘getting behind’ on my plans before I finally surrendered and realised just how lucky I was and that I was striving for a dream I’m already living. Yeah I don’t have it all but I have freedom of time to be with my family, this was high on my priority list before when I worked a 9 to 5. Sometimes we are striving so hard to achieve some future goal that we completely miss the many blessings that are right under our nose!
The bridge in between
I’ve been writing to you now for 18 months, sharing my highs and lows as I work towards creating my dream life in the hope that I might inspire you to go for your dream too but so much has happened these past 2 months that I don’t know how where to start! So I’m going to start in the middle. The middle of the bridge that is, which is where I have been standing in my mind all summer.
I’ve had this vivid image in my mind; I’m standing on a bridge in between my old life and my new dream life. When I look behind I see everything I have ever known; friends, family and every single life experience I have ever lived, it’s all there, and it’s all part of me. Then when I look forward I see only grass, it’s all new, and the path is yet to be made. I have no idea what lies at the other side of the bridge and I know that to take the step off means leaving everything else behind, perhaps forever. Part of me is excited about the possibilities and part of me is outright terrified, the ‘what ifs’ echo around my mind all day. I fear I will lose friendships and I know my choices won’t be understood by all, especially those nearest to me.
I’m at a turning point in my life. I can either go back to the ‘safe’ side of the bridge, to the life I know, the people I know and the comfort of my not so comfortable life OR I can cross the bridge and step into a life unknown where I follow my instinct and trust explicitly in the universe and everything I have come to know about it.
On the other side of that bridge is everything I have ever dreamed of, it’s all there waiting for me but I have to have the courage to jump. I have no idea what’s next, or how I can take all the many years of knowledge I have gained and share it with the world but I know that’s what I need to do and I know that as long as I am holding onto the past, I won’t be able to grasp my future.
Should I return or should I continue forward? What would you do? Would you be willing to risk everything you have, everything you are and face all your fears head on in pursuit of a dream? Would you step off the bridge?
A leap of faith
A few weeks ago I decided to take a leap of faith and step off the bridge. I handed in my notice for my franchise business which I have been running for the past 5 years. I have only a few weeks left to teach and then I will well and truly be in the uncharted territory of my life. There’s no safety net and no return. As I talked about my plans to a mum yesterday she said I was so brave, to which I replied ‘I’m either very brave or very stupid, I think there’s a fine line’ but here’s why I did it. It felt like the right thing to do, my energy just isn’t there in my current business any more and I know I can’t put all my energy into the things I’m creating when my energy is tied up in something else, something that no longer feels right. So I decided to follow my instinct and make a clean break. I now have 3 months to focus on my projects. It’s a complete test of my faith and I’m ready for the challenge.
Am I crazy you might ask? Yes a little. Am I scared? Yes a lot. Am I ‘enough’ to pull it off? That’s what I want to find out, the voice in my head tells me no, but I know that’s just fear talking and my ego trying to keep me in the comfort zone but nothing great is ever created from comfort zones. All those great things out there are created by people who took risks, were a little crazy and dared to dream, I just want to know if I’ve got what it takes to be one of them. What can I say I like to push myself, I like to grow and learn and I can only do that if I jump in head first and do it my way.
I’d love to hear from you, do you think I’m brave or stupid? And is there something you would love to do but just can’t seem to take the leap of faith that’s needed? Leave me a comment below and let me know all about it!
By the way, I’m not advocating you quit your job or anything ‘stupid’ like me, I’m following what feels right for me, you must always follow what feels right for you and sometimes what feels ‘wrong’ can often be just right.
With love and leaps of faith