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conflicting desires, law of attraction

It started with a dream

As some of you may remember I submitted my book proposal to the Transformational Author Event’s (TAE) book contest back in July and have been using the tools I have shared with you over the last few months, in particular my most recent posts on the Law of Attraction (LOA), to focus on winning.  Although there were a number of prizes I set my sights on one, which was to have my book reviewed by Mark Allen, Eckhart Tolle’s publisher.

Before I tell you the outcome of the contest I would like to rewind back to May when I first discovered the TAE.  As I mentioned at the time I was quite literally buzzing as I read the words of the contest, I could feel the energy rushing through my whole body and this is a sign that you are in complete alignment with your soul and your purpose, you have to act on it!  At that time I had only been blogging for 2 months so I was amazed that such an opportunity had already presented itself and I dived in, despite the fact that at that moment in time I didn’t even know what my book would be about, I just trusted that it would all come together and it did!

I spent a couple of months completing the TAE programme and working on bringing together my book outline and proposal and I managed effortlessly to fit it into my already busy life with 2 children, a business to run and all the other things we have to juggle!  When you are following your purpose it’s easy, it doesn’t feel like effort and even though you can’t possibly imagine how you will find the time or the resources you need, you will.

D-Day

So the 20th of October 2014 finally arrived, I knew because of the time difference it would be roughly 8pm before the announcement of the winners would be made so I went about my day with a quiet confidence, excited that this was the first day of the rest of my life and that I was about to take one giant leap forward in my dream of becoming a published author.  By 7.30pm with the kids tucked up in bed and my husband sat eagerly awaiting the news too (probably planning his retirement at 38!) I got the laptop and opened my inbox awaiting the good news.  With my eyes half on the TV and half on my inbox and my mind whirling, I waited……and waited……and waited. Those 30 minutes felt longer than the whole 3 months I had waited!  Something felt wrong, I was no longer excited, as I watched the minutes tick by I felt anxious and I knew that wasn’t a good sign.  Our emotions are our inner guidance system that let us know when we are on track.  With each minute after 8pm and with each click of the refresh button I felt worse.  By 9pm I was damn right angry, an announcement on the TAE page at 5pm had said the winners would be announced in ‘a few hours’, that’s 3 right?  So I waited……by 10.15pm I could wait no more, friends were eagerly texting for the news but my hopes were dashed and I was exhausted, something felt wrong.  Anger is not the emotion of someone about to achieve their dreams and our inner guidance never lets us down.

No news is good news

I went to bed with no news, after months of excited anticipation I felt deflated and it was a very restless night, each time I looked at the clock I wondered if I should go and check my email but I resisted and at 5.30am I jumped out of bed and ran downstairs.  No email.  My heart began to pound in my chest.  ‘OMG they didn’t get my proposal’ was all I could think but then I remembered the acknowledgement email and searched frantically for it, I couldn’t find it.  Why are things never where you think you put them?  I checked the TAE Facebook page and could see people congratulating themselves and each other, they had the email!  My heart sank, they have lost my proposal!  I emailed them to ask for a copy of the email but knew it would be many hours before they even got it.  By 6am I was exhausted and flat emotionally and physically and to make matters worse I was hormonal!

It was a very long day and peoples ‘no news is good news’ comments, as well meant as they were, couldn’t take away what I already knew in my heart to be true.  I hadn’t won and an email at about 2pm that day confirmed it.  For about 15 minutes I was, excuse my language but it paints the best picture, pissed off with the universe!  ‘I did it all right’ I said ‘I really believed it’ I cursed.  ‘This is what I want more than anything’ I shouted (in my head, I’m not that crazy!).  I felt like I had let you down.

Appreciate the setbacks

Over the years there have been many ‘setbacks’ like this on the path to my dream, in the beginning as my belief was still building it would take weeks to get over them and I would lose all faith, then it reduced to days and now I’m down to minutes because within about 15 I realised that this isn’t what I’ve always wanted, suddenly I could plainly see I had conflicting desires (seriously why can’t we just have to foresight of hindsight? It would be so much easier!).

My dream has always been to be a highly successful Hay House author.  Hay House publishers are the leading edge publishers in the world of Mind, Body and Spirit and their founder Louise Hay is a legend.  Just days before the contest results I had started reading Louise’s newest book ‘loving yourself to great health’ and as I read it all I could think was ‘I want to be a Hay House author, I want to work with Louise Hay and rub shoulders with the world’s most successful Hay House authors’ the contest couldn’t provide me with that and I realised that every time I had been thinking about winning this conflict had arisen within me but I had been trying the ‘think’ past it, trying to convince myself that it was ok to be published by someone else, that all that matters is that I get my book out there to the world but the LOA is exact and it goes off how we feel not what we think (which is why you have to think the thoughts until you believe them because then you change your energy pattern and therefore how you feel changes).  When I was imagining winning the contest I had conflicting desires, it wasn’t what I really, really, REALLY wanted which ironically was the last post I wrote!

I am so glad you are on this journey with me because I’m still learning and growing and hopefully by sharing this with you each step of the way you can see my ‘mistakes’ and use them to help you on your path.  The LOA is exact, it’s universal law, we can’t bypass it, we have to learn to use it correctly which is a lifelong process and each time we ‘fail’ we actually succeed to take ourselves one step closer to where we want to be because we have learnt another valuable lesson in what we really want and how to get it.

I can see clearly now

I can see quite clearly now that I wasn’t in alignment with winning the TAE contest, however without the TAE contest I still wouldn’t have a book proposal.  It was because I entered the contest that I took the inspired action (remember we always work on inspired action!) to put my book together, that’s why I was buzzing when I discovered the TAE; it was the next step in the process for me.  As the realisation hit me I went to the Hay House website and low and behold, whilst most publisher won’t accept unsolicited manuscripts (meaning you don’t have an agent), Hay House will!  So I am now going to write the next 2 chapters of my book (Hay House require you to submit 3) and then in the New Year send my proposal to Hay House!!

Baby steps

Remember we mother our dream step by step, we can’t always see the big picture but you will in time learn to trust the universal laws and to know that everything is working out perfectly in your favour.  I like to imagine my team of helpers on the other side and see them busily putting all the pieces together for me, lining up the next steps for me to take, and I know that they can see the whole path ahead for me so I trust in them to provide it.  Use whatever helps you to stay focused on your path.  It will come.

It’s time to focus on what you really, really REALLY want and to stop going for second best!  It’s time to filter out those conflicting desires and know that the universe knows what you truly desire and it will bring it to you every time if only you will get out of the way and let it!

Move over Vicky your dreams are coming through!

With love and clear, set, focused desires

Vicky x

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photo credit: <a href=”https://www.flickr.com/photos/aitoragirregabiria/4548352726/”>Aitor Agirregabiria</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>cc</a&gt;

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