When I got the nudge to write this post I’ll admit I was reluctant, I’m still reluctant but I know I need to write it because I know I need to read it and so do you so get comfy, open your mind and your heart and lets begin…
Have you ever called someone and said ‘hi it’s just me’ or when asked what you do for a living you reply ‘I’m just a ….’ (fill in the blank) why do we do that? Why do we refer to ourselves or what we do as ‘just’ which in this context means ‘only’. ‘Hi it’s only me’ implies that you are in some way a disappointment, like the person you were calling was expecting someone better on the other end of the phone, of course we aren’t consciously aware of it but that’s what we are doing. I met a mum who worked at the local hospital and when I asked what she did she said ‘oh I’m just a receptionist, it’s nothing special but it pays the bills’. I thought about what she said a lot afterwards. If you have ever been to the doctors or the hospital, especially with a sick child, I bet you can remember the receptionist. I have had a few encounters with not so polite receptionists and every one of them made a bad situation worse; if you are greeted with a smile and helpful instructions it picks you up a little but if you are greeted with a frown, a look over the rim of the glasses or worse no eye contact at all then you will remember that and it will play on your mind and affect the rest of your visit. She wasn’t ‘only’ a receptionist, she’s the first person to greet an anxious patient, It’s her role to offer them a smile and maybe even reassurance, it’s her role to give them helpful instructions and offer them a place to sit, to the patient she isn’t ‘just’ the receptionist she is the starting point for what could be a difficult appointment and she can make a difference. We can all make a difference.
Many years ago I was an IT Trainer, when people asked what I did I felt confident saying it but when I changed my role to a Training Coordinator I found myself saying ‘I’m just a Training Coordinator’ so what’s the difference? The difference is as an IT Trainer I was providing value, real value but as a coordinator I was ‘just’ the middle woman, yes my role offered value to the business but I was merely facilitating the process I wasn’t personally responsible for the growth of another and that’s what I believe we are all here to do, to help each other in some shape or form. Think for a moment when you describe your job do you confidently say what you do or do you say ‘I’m just a ….’ This will give you a good indication to whether you are using your natural skills and talents. I have never heard a teacher say ‘I’m just a teacher’ it’s a respectable role, teachers provide immense value, they are drawn to teach. If you describe your job role with the word ‘just’ then I highly recommend you look for something else which is more rewarding because every time you say it you’re confirming that you’re not good enough, to say I’m only a receptionist oozes lack of self-worth, if you don’t value yourself it’s pretty hard for others to value you and if you don’t feel worthy then how are you able to accept all the greatness that the universe wishes for you to have?
I don’t use the word just anymore when describing my work, I’m a business owner, I’m an antenatal teacher and my work adds great value, I’m also a writer BUT I’m just ‘little old me’. The whole reason I started writing and the whole reason I want to publish my book is because I want you to know that you are brilliant, that you have a gift to share and that you can change the world and my book will be the epitome of that, however I realise now that the underlining message I am portraying in my work is that if I can do it ‘little old me’ then anyone can! In showing you your own self-worth I am not accepting mine.
The vision I have for my future is bigger than me, if I see myself as ‘little old me’ how can the universe pour its unlimited abundance onto me? The truth is it can’t, if we don’t feel worthy then we can’t accept it, our limiting beliefs will literally propel what is rightly ours away. It’s crazy shit.
I was out with friends at the weekend and it just so happened (I love a good coincidence!) that we got chatting about how others perceive us, it started with a friend telling me I ‘ooze love and energy’ my first thought was ‘seriously do you know me?’ I couldn’t accept the beautiful compliment because immediately in my mind I held a vision of myself exhausted and shouting at the kids. As we proceeded around the table pointing out each other’s positive qualities I was amazed at how nobody could accept them, everyone immediately thought of their negative qualities; how they snap at their partner, their controlling nature, their disorganisation. Why is it when someone pays us a compliment we immediately visualise the worst aspect of ourselves and can’t see the good? I’m terrible for this and it made me so sad to see my beautiful friends doing the same. The truth is we can’t see in others what we don’t hold within ourselves, the people around us are like mirrors to our soul. When you get irritated by someone for being too slow or not listening you are irritated only by the aspects of yourself that resonates. Were your views not listened to at work or did you not give someone the time and attention they needed when they tried to talk to you? Are certain aspects of your life moving slower than you would like or are you moving at such a fast pace like a whirlwind that you never get chance to take it slowly and so really you are irritated not by someone else’s slow pace but by your own inability to slow down. What you see in another is what is within you; use other people as your mirror. When I complimented my friends on their loving gentle nature it’s because I hold that within me too but I struggle to accept that because immediately my mind starts bringing up images of when I was anything but those things! This is our ego at play.
Simply put you are a soul living a human experience, you have come here to grow and if you didn’t have the ego trying to sabotage your success it would be easy but there is no growth in easy. It’s our challenges that make us grow the most, behind every success story is a story of personal pain and growth. The more our soul tries to shine the more the ego will try to shoot us down, growth comes from picking yourself up time and time again and learning to quiet the voice of the ego so that your soul can begin to sing.
The soul wants to shine so that others can bask in its light, the ego wants to shine so that others can bow in its power. The soul wants to serve, to grow and make a difference, the ego wants control, power and status. As long as the vision you hold is in alignment with your soul you cannot fail because the entire universe will support you, the challenge comes from feeling the fear and doing it anyway! If I had listened to my ego these past few months you wouldn’t be reading these words. I have just as much insecurity as the next mama but I’m pushing through them. I see your brilliance so I know I must be brilliant too, I need to accept my brilliance because until I do I won’t be able to receive all the abundance the universe has for me.. Until my cup is full of self-worth (in a non-egotistical way) I wont be able to fill it with anything I don’t feel worthy of having and neither will you. We just have to accept it, we are brilliant, you are brilliant, I am brilliant, life is brilliant. The more brilliant we feel the more brilliant we become. You are not a nagging snappy wife you have become a nagging snappy wife because somewhere along the line you forget who you were and why you are here, you forgot to say thank you for those compliments and started to buy into all those negative aspects of yourself. We all have those, we are human!!! We are not supposed to be perfect if you were you wouldn’t be here. Life is stressful, we try and do too much, be too much and give too much so it’s no wonder we become frazzled at the end of the day and a little bit ‘wired’ that doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you human. We all need to start focusing on our good points and accepting the negative. We’ve never really been taught to love ourselves properly so it feels a little uncomfortable, give it a go tell yourself ‘I am brilliant!’ how does it feel? Do you accept it fully or cringe a little? It takes time, we need to recondition the mind to focus on the good not the bad, to accept our light and not sit in our darkness, we need to learn to say thank you when receiving a compliment then the universe knows you are open to receiving good things and good things will come to you.
It’s time to let go of the ‘little old me’ syndrome and step into our brilliance, it’s time to accept that we may not be perfect but that we are worthy. It’s time to accept that the beauty we see in others is also within ourselves. It’s time to realise that to live the life we deserve we have to accept that we are brilliant, so go be your brilliance, own it!